Copyright 2009, 1pen.
Think youve got it tough?
Think youve got it bad?
Im married to the most unintegritous cad
Wholl sleep in just about any box he can find
And its not the box of the shipping box kind
While Ill bet you think thats not bad at all
But he drinks too, its true, till hes got enough gall
To come home and pretend he has two very large balls.
Oh is that so, Mary Jane, well I bet my lifes worse
Its the worst sort of worse, why its nearly a curse
Thats my life for you, thats the truth I do swear
Its a harder life than yours for I live with bears
Not teddies or plushies, but the real live things
I bet youll think better now of your cad and his flings.
Neither of you have it bad, none of you have it hard,
I just lost my retirement to a bet in a bar.
I bet you think a gambler isnt worth your pity or hugs
Since they hang around winos, and gangsters and thugs
Its a hard living to come by, so much harder than yours
Try losing your future in the presence of whores.
What a bunch of ninnies, I cant believe my ears
To think that your troubles are bigger than my fears?
Why I havent slept in fifty-two days, out of fear that my longings are indeed gay.
My family would certainly make me pay.
Think your troubles are harder than mine, did you say?
Oh please, give it a rest, Im tired of listening to your cries
While Im stuck here with celiac, allergic to pies
You try going and finding a single bite to eat
When you cant eat a single thing made out of wheat.
You trying put those two shoes on your feet!
Girls, girls, now lets tone down this whole fuss
You certainly dont have an eye full of puss.
My dog Gus has an eye full of puss.
And its made him a rather bad guard dog I believe
Since all our belongings were taken by thieves.
Now, dearie, its your turn, do tell us your tale
We bet every cent we have left that youre hurting as well.
Is your husband a louse, are you secretly gay?
Would you die if you ate some bread the next day?
Is your dog a diseased bum who let in the robber?
Do your mates at the pub treat you like some old farter?
Has your house burned to the ground, is your kid sick in bed?
Do you wish every morning that you simply were dead?
So go on, go on, tell us all on your chest
Were waiting; were listening, so give us your best.
Well girls I must say you all have it bad,
I certainly dont spend every night with a cad.
My dog is just fine, my house is intact
Ive never had to deal with that celiac.
I dont gamble so Ive never lost to a whore,
In fact, in comparison, Im probably a bore.
But I have my own troubles, in fact, quite a few
But I dont think even then Ive the better of you.
I dont think I could handle a husband like yours
Or challenge my family, or lose to those whores.
Id probably feel gutted if my house were the same,
And probably more so were it my dog to blame.
But those arent the trials Ive been asked to face
And I dont think any single person comes in first place.
I could never handle yours, but I handle mine fine
And its probably true that you wouldnt like mine.
I catch myself anyway from time to time
Asking myself Why me, why now in that very same whine.
And then Im reminded when I hear stories like yours
That they are just that, they are yours, only yours.
They are your fight, your struggle, theyre tailored to you
Same as my fight, and my trials, and my very bad news.
Its all relative, these bad things, whether theyre yours or theyre mine,
And you can handle each thing and turn out just fine.
Maybe not me, and not them and not anyone else
But would you, do you, want to trade with anyone else?